Adapted by Channie Koplowitz Stein
This year we are exploring and discussing how we have sinned through לצון/scorning. Artscroll defines this sin as greeting “constructive criticism with scorn and ridicule.” Rabbi Meislisch expands on this definition as referring to those who mock mitzvoth, mock those who perform mitzvoth or align themselves and befriend others who spend all their time in idle pursuits. At its core, explains Artscroll, the scorner takes every serious and honest topic and uses it as a springboard for witticism and cynical remarks.
This does not mean that there is no room for humor in life. Rather, the purpose behind scorn is to degrade, denigrate and ridicule, writes Rabbi Bienenfeld in Step by Step. Often passed off as “just a joke,” these remarks leave permanent damage. As Rabbi Cohen points out, the scorner damages both the victim of his comments, and himself. The paradigmatic examples of scorners are the Plishtim and Amalek. We see the mockery of the Plishtim after the birth of Yitzchak, when they insisted that Sarah and especially Avraham could not have birthed him. Therefore the Plishtim had to witness Sarah actually nursing the baby personally, and the baby looked exactly like Avraham his father. And Amalek? When all the world trembled at the exodus of Bnei Yisroel, when the nations kept an awesome distance from Bnei Yisroel, Amalek wanted to prove that Bnei Yisroel were not invincible, even at great cost to themselves. Once Amalek dared attack Bnei Yisroel, other nations felt less intimidated and would follow.
Rabbi Cohen makes a clear distinction between leitzanut/sarcasm/mockery and badchanut/healthy humor, humor that is positive and uplifting. [There is a world of difference between laughing at someone and laughing with someone. CKS] And leitzanut is often conveyed through the tone of one’s voice [or even through body language and eye rolls -CKS]
Rabbi Frand reports the case of a Honda commercial that ridiculed the various choices a young man might make when embarking on a career. Through its commercial, it destroyed what had been an unusual but nevertheless a thriving emu farming business by mocking it, albeit unintentionally. A leitzan is not a comic but a cynic.
Rabbi Frand cites Rav Yitzchak Hutner zt”l in plumbing the human psyche. Within each of us there is the yetzer horo to tear down, to mock, to denigrate other people and that which is holy. Cynicism liberates. It frees people from the expectation of living up to standards and maintaining responsibility. By attacking Bnei Yisroel and showing them to be mortal like everyone else, Amalek removed the aura of sanctity that enveloped the holy nation. Amalek despises the sanctity embodied in the Jew. And we each have some of that same leitzanut within ourselves. Rav Hutner zt”l expresses this battle with Amalek, is the battle of koach hachilul, the power of desecration, versus koach halilul, the power of praise.
Perhaps that cynicism is based on arrogance and ego. He thinks he’s holier than me? I’m just as good, as talented, as religious, as (fill in the blank). Or perhaps even more likely, a lack of self confidence and ego, that I can only be good if the other is not as good. I do not need to improve, but by lowering him, I appear higher. Combine the two, and you have created a cynic. Instead, acknowledge superiority and strive to attain it as well.
Just as a powerful wind can rip apart mountains and shatter stones [I Kings 19:11], so can the winds of the breath of speech destroy and shatter, writes Rabbi Salomon zt”l. One mocking word about a powerful speech can destroy its entire effect. We mock because we lack faith in our own importance and significance. To gain control over our power of speech, we must first believe in ourselves. Among the four types of people who will not be welcomed into Hashem’s presence, writes Rabbi Frand citing the Gemara, are the cynics. The only place for cynicism is in the fight against idolatry. The Prophet Eliyahu used sarcasm and cynicism in his battle with the prophets of Baal. When their sacrifices weren’t being consumed, he mockingly asked if their god was asleep. Today’s idolatry is not a statue or a part of nature. But cultural icons have taken their place. [Even a TV competition show is called American Idol. CKS] Our challenge is to control the cynicism within each of us.
Treat cynical speech with the same care and trepidation as you would loshon horo. One may begin with limited mockery, but then begins the slippery slope where nothing has any value. This was the path of Esau. He mocked the birthright, selling it for a bowl of soup, denigrating the grief at the death of his saintly grandfather Abraham, and became the symbol of those who hold nothing sacred. Just as Esau would let nothing stand in his way, so would his descendants let nothing come in their way. Amalek would destroy the weakened Bnei Yisroel, and Haman would kill an entire nation for a perceived slight to his honor. Nothing is sacred to him, and he will ensure that nothing inspires others as well. We want to inspire our children to see the good in others. Therefore, we must strive to speak good.
Sometimes in light moments and revelry we may be tempted to poke fun at others. Be especially careful, cautions Rabbi Bienenfeld quoting R. Ovayada Yosef zt”l, not to inadvertently mock Rebbeim or other Torah scholars on Purim for example. That momentary joke at their expense may forever devalue him in the eyes of others.
Be especially careful around your children, for they will model themselves after you. Do you want them to be cynics by age ten, asks Rabbi Frand? Do you want them to respect or disrespect their teachers? How you speak about others will be copied by the children. When children hear disparaging remarks, it can affect their entire future, writes Rabbi Young in Apples from the Tree. What they hear will affect their choices not only in childhood, but deep into adulthood, affecting their choice of career or of a shidduch [or a prospective shidduch in a formerly denigrated career]. Certainly, there may be issues that need resolution, but discuss them in private with the Rebbe or other authority without undermining his stature in the eyes of a student or other person. Mockery prevents us from growing, for when I have mocked, I need not answer to anyone, for no one is a higher authority than I.
In Ascending the Path, Rabbi Hillel explains the teachings of the Ramchal for leading a just life. He notes that while the concerns of daily life may distract us from being watchful of our speech and behavior, even more pernicious is the tendency to treat everything as a joke or to associate with bad companions. Someone who finds everything a joke, who takes nothing seriously, is not open to reason or sensitivity. Everything, no matter how horrific, merely becomes fodder for his witticism. All he can do is tear things down. Like the well-oiled armor of the feudal knights, nothing can touch him. Everything bounces off the armor around his heart. Leitzanut skews one’s perspective on life.
It means giving too much weight to the trivial while not properly valuing the important things in life. As such, he accepts no rebuke, for any attempt to help him simply becomes a stand-up line for another joke.
Leitzanut can also be subtle. As the mishneh Pirkei Avot 3:3 states, “If two people sit together and there are no words of Torah between them, it is a session of scorners…” The point here is that one who has the opportunity to learn Torah or to be involved in productive pursuits, is merely “shooting the breeze,” is killing time with those shots and is not placing proper value on his time. He is mocking his time, and the value of his life.
The Netivot Shalom reminds us how dark life can be. We do need some humor to add light, but sarcasm and cynicism, although they may evoke laughter, do not bring light; they only add to the darkness.
Even what are meant as words of praise often lack true meaning, writes Rabbi Weissblum in Heorat Derech. Telling a student he is smart is simply validating a gift Hashem gave him.; telling him he is conscientious and is using that gift is motivating. [Current child psychologists further validate this premise. They teach us not to say, “You are such a smart boy,” but, “You studied really hard.”] This focused approach on the effort leads to maximizing potential.
Along these lines, in Ohel Moshe Rabbi Scheinerman instructs us to recognize our strengths and utilize them. This is how Hashem is judging us from the past year. Did we value our strengths and our time, or did we mockingly waste or abuse them?
The key to overcoming cynicism, writes Rabbi Frand, is to train ourselves to being and looking for the positive instead of the negative in every person and situation. It is easy to notice the small cracks, the black dot on the white paper. Focus instead on the straight wall and the white paper. When we see our children, look for the constant good things, comment positively, instead of immediately seeing the daily, but less constant misbehaviors. Let us help them grow into the beautiful human beings and the potential Hashem implanted in them.
When we look for the positive, we eliminate the destructive sarcasm and mockery so prevalent in our society. We help create sanctity in the world Hashem has recreated for each of us this Rosh Hashanah. May the new year now beginning be a year of positive growth, of appreciating the good, and of the peace that follows that attitude and outlook.